What God says about Blame and Responsibility

NOTE: an extended video version of this is available.

A common problem with our society today is that of the inability or refusal to take responsibility. This is a theme often discussed, especially by the older generation.

The blame game, of course, began with Adam & Eve as Eve blamed the serpent, and Adam blamed Eve for their apparent disobedience. If we want to blame our propensity for blaming others, then we can blame them.

This is a trait which has hindered individual growth since the beginning of time. It is mentioned often in the Bible and we can see it plainly in the prophet Ezekiel.

What do you mean by repeating this proverb concerning the land of Israel,
‘The fathers have eaten sour grapes,
and the children’s teeth are set on edge’?
Eze 18:2

This was apparently a common proverb in the land, because Jeremiah also refers to it in his prophecy and in his lamentations. Proverbs were a popular form of media or messaging in the ancient world, but just because the proverb was popular did not mean that it was true.

Ezekiel and Jeremiah were prophesying during the Babylonian captivity of the Jews. That captivity had been predicted as a result of the Israelites cumulative generational sin of not honoring the sabbaths for the land. Both Jeremiah and Ezekiel saw this proverb as a pernicious doctrine, because it inevitably led to a spirit of fatalism and irresponsibility.

If the fault could really be laid at the door of a previous generation, those on whom the judgment was falling could reasonably shrug off any sense of sin and accuse God of injustice. Because the failure to honor the land sabbaths had become a regular avoidance, the current generation did not feel as if they should be punished.

Do you remember how as a child we would use the same argument? Our parents would scold us for something and we would say, “But everybody’s doing it.” Somehow we think that if it’s a common event then it must be okay.

We think that if it’s a common event then it must be okay.

This particular proverb very likely came from a misunderstanding of something stated in the ten commandments.

You shall not bow down to them or serve them,
for I the LORD your God am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children
to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,
Exo 20:5

There was a time when I fell under the spell of this verse and its misapplication. I thought that part of my children’s problems were a result of some of the sin I had allowed in my life in prior times.

Hopefully, you can see the problem of blame being practiced in reverse in this concept. We tend to blame ourselves as parents for any failure of our children to follow the Lord. I cannot tell you the number of times I have talked with a parent who was feeling guilty because of their misunderstanding of this Solomon proverb.

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Pro 22:6

Many parents have beat themselves senseless thinking they failed to train their children properly in the Lord, and now the child wants nothing to do with God.

Before I go any further, I have to state a disclaimer for you. I have two children who openly resist anything to do with the Lord. One of them will get up and leave if the word “God” is mentioned.

The problem with this proverb is that we have taken it to refer only to their religious or spiritual upbringing by misapplying the phrase “the way they should go.” The Hebrew construction of this phrase indicates something quite different and something much more difficult to do.

Most everyone who has raised a child can recall the phases that child went through. A child is often asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up? Those who pay attention know the answer to that question changes with each birthday until they are in their late teens. Fireman, doctor, lawyer, machinist, soldier, policeman, beach bum may well be the pattern over the years, with none of them ever based in any sort of reality.

Yet, the proverb mentioned about training a child has this very idea at its core. Train the child toward its natural bent.

Today’s lesson is not about how to do that, but that is what we need to understand.

What is the natural inclination of the child? Music? Sports? Teaching? Solitude? Healing? The parental responsibility here is to discern the gifting of the child. But, like I said, that is not the lesson for today.

Today, I want to help eliminate the guilt associated with the misunderstanding of this verse.

This verse is not about bringing them up as a Christian, which is the common interpretation and application. Then, when the child seems to stray from that principle, we tend to get all worried that we haven’t trained them properly.

People in that situation then try to console themselves with the last part of the proverb.

…even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Pro 22:6

They think this means “my child will return to the right way.” But that is still missing the import of the proverb. The proverb states that he will not depart. It doesn’t say that she will return after having departed.

There are plenty of verses in the Bible which have to do with training up our children to follow the Lord, but this is not one of them. Yet, this is the one that people use to beat themselves up by taking a responsibility that is not theirs.

Taking a responsibility that is not ours is the exact opposite of the way I began this message. I began by talking about the avoidance of a responsibility that is definitely ours. That is the intent of God’s word to Ezekiel.

The nation was blaming their captivity on their ancestors and avoiding taking any responsibility for their own failures. This is why the Lord was pinning them up against the wall with their excuse.

The fathers have eaten sour grapes,
and the children’s teeth are set on edge.
As I live, declares the Lord GOD,
this proverb shall no more be used by you in Israel.
Eze 18:2-3

It is not the sins of the fathers that brings judgment.

It is not the failure of your parents that causes your problems.

It is not your failure as a parent that causes your children’s problems.

Placing the blame for our problems on anything other than our own shoulders is wrong.

Behold, all souls are mine;
the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is mine:
the soul who sins shall die.
Eze 18:4

God is telling Ezekiel to make it plain that everyone is responsible for their own well-being. And God is telling every parent who is kicking themselves for their grown children’s problems to stop it.

It’s not your fault.

You simply are not that powerful.

My son is in jail for his own iniquity, not mine.

I’m not saying that parents don’t fail in their calling to raise their children. They do. We see it all the time. And a child who is never taught right from wrong is certainly at the effect of that failure. But the Lord is clear about this—they suffer the consequences of their own behavior.

Did you grow up without what you feel is the proper nurture of your parents?

Is it not possible that they were doing the best they could with the tools they were given?

Don’t you allow that for yourself as a parent?

Didn’t you do the best you could?

We can blame ourselves for our children’s problems.

We can blame our parents for our problems.

We can blame the government.

We can blame the schools.

But, until we can blame ourselves for our own problems, there is no way to fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed.

It is essentially a change in perspective.

When you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change.
Wayne Dyer

Don’t just take this as some cute aphorism and let it go.

Let it sink deep into your being.

As you begin to understand and practice this truth, many of the negative things in your life will take on a whole new meaning. This is simply another way of expressing the renewed mind I talk so much about.

Jesus said it this way.

The eye is the lamp of the body.
So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light,
but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.
If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
Matt. 6:22-23

We have probably all known someone with what Jesus calls a bad eye. They can hardly see the good in anything. Everything and everyone has something they don’t like. We soon grow tired of being around someone like that. Their very presence reeks of negativity.

But, when we are around someone with a good eye, their presence is light and airy. They hardly ever have anything negative to say about situations or people.

Research is beginning to show that this plays out in our health also. Positive people tend to live longer than negative people. This too is confirmed by Solomon in his proverbs.

A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.
Pro 14:30

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.
Pro 17:22

Envy and a broken spirit are both presenting the concept of a negative outlook.

The tranquil or peaceful heart and the joyful heart are both showing a positive outlook.

While it is convenient to blame our parents, or our experiences for our negativity, the fact remains that it is our choice that put us there. There is no law, natural, spiritual or otherwise which says that we must have a negative outlook on people and circumstances. The law, or if you will, the principle is plain and works every time for anyone and everyone.

A flat tire is simply an event. Labeling it as a “day-ruining disaster” or a “chance to slow down” is a personal decision.

Ultimately, changing how you view the world won’t alter the facts of a situation, but it completely changes your internal reality and how you experience it.

When we can begin to take responsibility for our own perspective and stop playing the blame game, our life will take on a much different flavor.

I recommend you try it.

You’ll like it.